By Rabiat Uthman

Many women who remain unmarried beyond their twenties, especially in Northern Nigeria, face growing pressure from family, peers, and society at large—a burden that often leads to emotional distress, social exclusion, and damaged self-worth.

Despite personal achievements, educational qualifications, or professional accomplishments, these women are frequently reduced to a single question: “When will you marry?”

The weight of this question, repeated relentlessly in family gatherings, workplaces, and religious circles, has become a source of pain for many.

Aisha Suleiman Adamu, a 33-year-old lecturer based in Kaduna, said that the pressure is constant.

She stated that, “Every time I return home for family functions, the first thing they ask is when I’m getting married. Even my students sometimes make jokes about it.”

Aisha noted that some colleagues and neighbours assume her single status is due to pride or being overly educated.

“At one point, I was passed over for a position in my department because someone said a married woman would be more ‘stable.’”

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Entrepreneur Zainab Musa Abdullahi, 28, who runs her own business in Kano, shared a similar experience.

“Every week, someone tries to set me up with a man. I know they mean well, but it’s emotionally exhausting,” she said.

“Sometimes customers come into my shop and ask if it belongs to my husband. When I say no, they seem surprised,” she added.

For Zainab, the narrative that a woman is incomplete without a husband is outdated. “I enjoy the freedom of building something of my own. Marriage is good, but it’s not everything.”

Hauwa Bello Usman, a 31-year-old nurse from Katsina, said the pressure from her family, particularly her mother, is intense.

“She worries people will think she failed in raising me,” she said. Hauwa added that some elderly women refer to her dismissively as ‘yar gayya’, implying she’s living a reckless life simply because she is unmarried.

She added that, “Even patients question me about my marital status—as if it affects my ability to care for them.”

The stigma attached to being unmarried also extends to other aspects of life.

Fatima Ibrahim Danladi, 35, a tailor from Bauchi, said she has been hearing comments like “you’re getting old” since she turned 25.

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She lamented that, “Now people just shake their heads when they see me. Neighbors gossip and claim I’m either too choosy or have spiritual problems. Some clients have even asked if I’m mentally okay.”

A journalist, Rahina Nuhu Salisu, 29, from Sokoto, said the assumption that every woman must be married is pervasive, even in professional settings.

She stated that, “During interviews, people often ask about my husband. It’s assumed I must have one. A male colleague once told me I’d be more respected in the newsroom if I were married.”

For these women, the core concern is not marriage itself—but the unfair burden placed on those who remain unmarried.

The pressure, they say, is compounded by religious and cultural narratives that often misrepresent Islam’s stance on marriage.

“People use religion to push this narrative that marriage is mandatory,” said Aisha Adamu, adding, “But Islam recommends it—it doesn’t force it.”

Others argue that societal assumptions about single women being too educated, financially independent, or ‘too selective’ are harmful and simplistic.

“Being selective shouldn’t be a crime,” said Fatima. “Rushing into the wrong marriage just to please people can lead to heartbreak or divorce,” she added.

The consequences of such pressure are real. Experts warn of growing mental health challenges among women who face this social stigma, including depression, anxiety, and loss of confidence.

“We need to replace harmful questions like ‘when will you marry?’ with more compassionate ones like ‘how are you doing?’” said Zainab.

However, it was gathered that some parents pressure their daughters into early marriages out of fear that beauty fades with age, making them less ‘marketable’ in the marriage scene.

Others admitted that while the pressure may be well-intended, it often has negative consequences.

According to Zainab, “Everyone has their own destiny. Pressuring someone into marriage before the right time can do more harm than good.”

As more women speak out, they are calling for a shift in societal values—one that recognizes that a woman’s worth is not tied to a husband or a wedding band.

They urge kindness, understanding, and most importantly, the right to live life at their own pace.

“Marriage should be a choice, not a pressure,” said Hauwa. “Let us be free to grow and succeed without being shamed,” she added