Between morality ”Lefe and ”Kayan Daki”….A tale of marriage in a typical Hausa society-Abdulazeez Idris Yusuf

By Abdulazeez Idris Yusuf

I saw this statement credited to Sheikh Bin Uthman making rounds on social media, where the Sheikh was quoted as saying “Lokaci yayi da ya kamata a soke lefe a Kasar Hausa” meaning, its high time the issue of pre-wedding gifts be strike out in the Hausa land (Forgive my translation). Whether the Sheikh said so or not, I for one heard another scholar, Sheikh Yusuf Tijjani Guruntum complained bitterly about such practice which today has become a precondition for marriage without which a marriage may most likely not take place.

This is without regards for how much the intending couple love one another or how long they’ve been together or even the signs of a happy and peaceful home they’re likely to have especially if we look at their overall predispositions on issues concerning morality, education, general behavioural patterns among others.

Another thing I would like to add to the issue is “kayan daki”, that is, the stuffs the lady takes along with her to the husband’s house which also has assumed a huge burden on many parents and a stumbling block for a successful marriage.

The funniest thing is, non of these stuffs has any religious backing. They are mere cultural impositions that have come to assume some levels of importance even over and above the religious imposed criteria for marriage.

The negative repercussions from these harmful cultural practices are dire and unimaginable especially if we look at the high rate of divorce, domestic violence, an exponential increase in the number of matured single youths (males/girls) who ideally should be married but are not and the numerous negative consequences arising thereof from their failure or inability to get married among others. All this is because either the guy cannot afford “lefe” or the father of the lady cannot afford “kayan daki”.

The funniest thing is, even where the man is able to provide these “lefe” of a thing, some parents or close family relations could be so mean to reject it on the accounts that either the stuffs are too small, too local or old fashioned. And where the guy is lucky and his lefe is accepted, what will be given to his own representatives in return, that is, those who took  the “lefe” to the families of the intending bride as “Tukwuici” which usually is a monetary gift in appreciation of the lefe will be so low below what is expected and that is a signal that the “lefe” did not come as expected.

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On the other hand, the family of the groom are also not left out in this act of extortion and intimidation and this plays out after the marriage contract has been entered. The family of the groom also wash their hands and faces in anticipation of what their daughter-in-law will bring along with her and these range from her beddings, furniture, electronics, and in some cases, foodstuffs. Should all of these items be small in quantity or below the expected quality and or standard, the bride and her family also become a subject of mockery by her own in-laws and this sets the tune for some underground takes usually negative and harmful to her reputation.

To sum it all, marriage today in Hausa clans have been reduced to nothing short of a trade by barter of a business affair where either or both of the parties simply engage in to gain “profit” at the expense of the other.

Today, a failure or inability to especially provide “kayan lefe” has shattered the dreams of many would-be happy and promising couples and ladies are most of the time at the receiving end.

This is so because, where the man is unable to fulfill “all righteousness”, the lady is either rushed, if she’s treated fairly, to bring another man to replace the “incapable one”, or in most cases forced to marry either a family relation or someone whom her parent so deemed fit for her and whom in most cases the lady has no feelings for.

And the rewards for such ill-contracted marriages are usually infidelity from either of the parties for lack of love and affection for the other partner, domestic violence arising usually from insubordination, lack of trust, broken homes, mental health disorders, divorce and in extreme cases deaths.

My questions in this regard have always been, where is our morality?

Do we prioritize material and short term gains over and above our happiness and that of our children?

What do we tell our Creator as parents when we finally meet with Him?

What is the way forward?

Abdulazeez Idris Yusuf, a public analyst writes from Yola, Adamawa State.